Finding A Home and Family
by the ramblin rose
Summary: Janeway x Chakotay Oneshot. They're going to be on the ship for a long time. The crew that remains will have to build lives there. They have to find family among themselves because they're all they have left. Kathryn can bring her crew together, but can she find a life for herself?


**AN: Hello everyone. This is my first oneshot in the Voyager fandom. There's a little bit more about me at the end if you should make it that far. I'm new to Voyager and I'm new to the fandom. I'm still learning the characters. As a result, my vocabulary may not always be perfect and my portrayal of a character may seem a little OOC to some people. Please don't take my stories too seriously. They're written purely for entertainment. That's all.**

 **This is something like a re-imagining from "The 37s" episode.**

 **I own nothing from Star Trek in any of its forms.**

 **I hope that you enjoy this. Please let me know if you enjoyed and let me know if you'd be interested in reading anything else that I might write in the future. Thank you for reading!**

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The only time she could let down her own shields entirely was when she was alone in her Ready Room or in her personal quarters. She was the captain and everyone counted on her. They counted on her to hold it together no matter what. They expected her to know what to do, even if they were in a situation where nobody could possibly know what to do. They looked to her to be a pillar of strength for them and, in many ways, the essence of calm as well.

Only Tuvoc was expected to have less emotion than Captain Kathryn Janeway, and that was only because his Vulcan background dictated that he would maintain control over his emotions.

Kathryn had retired to her Ready Room the moment she'd started to feel her emotions slipping away from her. She didn't want to appear anxious or even sad over the possibility that members of her crew might choose to stay behind and build new lives with the 37s. She didn't want anything about her reactions to sway them.

She might want them to remain with her on Voyager, but she was only their captain. She wasn't their God and she wasn't going to tell them what they had to do with their lives. She wasn't going to tell them that they had to leave behind the possibility of a life that was very close to the one they'd seen on Earth in favor of spending nearly a lifetime on the ship.

They deserved to feel free to choose the life they wanted, and they didn't need her feelings swaying them one way or another. She didn't need, either, to spend the rest of her time wondering if they were truly happy or if they felt, in some way, like she'd manipulated them into staying.

She wanted them to stay out of loyalty and out of dedication. She wanted them to stay because that's what they wanted to do. It was what they felt compelled to do. She didn't want anyone staying, though, out of some kind of obligation that would lead them to only feel bitter as the years passed.

"Captain?"

Kathryn looked away from her window. She'd heard the doors open. Even before he spoke, she felt like she could anticipate who was there.

She couldn't help but smile at him. He was worried and he didn't hide his worry well. Nobody expected him to conceal it, though, and she valued that she could always tell what he was thinking by the way that he held his eyes.

He had nice eyes. They were soft and dark. If she let herself, Kathryn knew that she could get lost in them. They felt like a warm and comfortable place, sometimes, when he held her own eyes with them for just a beat too long.

She didn't want to admit it, even to herself, but Chakotay's eyes felt a little like home to her.

"Commander," Kathryn responded.

"I've spoken to a few members of the crew," Chakotay said. "There's some discussion of staying behind. As far as I'm aware, nobody's made up their minds for certain."

"I'll know for sure at 15:00 hours," Kathryn said. "I've given everyone until then to make their decisions. Those who are staying on the planet will meet me in the cargo bay."

"I know it isn't my place to ask the question," Chakotay said, "but how do you feel about the possibility that a number of our crew members may choose to remain on the planet?"

Kathryn sighed and looked out the window to keep from having to hold Chakotay's eyes with her own. As he'd spoken, he'd gotten closer to her. He'd closed the distance between them until she could have reached out and touched him if she'd only bothered to sit forward a little on the couch. If they talked much longer, he might invite himself to sit with her. He might sit beside her. She might let him, and she might be happy for the company, even if she wouldn't tell him that.

"I can't blame them if they stay," Kathryn said. "What are their options? This is the closest we've come to something that feels like Earth. It's the closest they've been to home since we left. If they stay here, they've got a chance at building a life. They can settle down and raise families. We don't know how long it will take us to get back to the Alpha Quadrant. It could be a lifetime for most of us."

"Have you thought about staying, Captain?" Chakotay asked.

Kathryn laughed to herself. She had to laugh. Of course she'd thought about staying. It would be impossible for the thought not to even cross her mind.

"I thought about it," she admitted. "But I am the Captain. It's a position that I take very seriously. I have a duty to my ship and to my crew to get us back home. That's what I'm going to do."

Kathryn looked at him. A hint of a smile played at his lips. He nodded his head slightly when they made eye contact again.

"I expected no other response from you," Chakotay said. "I know you won't ask me, but I'm going to tell you—I'll be staying on Voyager."

"I'm happy to hear it," Kathryn said. She meant it, too. She'd have let him stay just the same as anyone else, but she'd have hated to see him go even more than she'd hate to see some of the other crew members go.

"I have to admit, though, that I did think about staying," Chakotay said. "At least for a few minutes. It really is an extraordinary place they've built."

"It is," Kathryn agreed.

"It feels a little bit like home," Chakotay said.

Kathryn nodded her head.

"I think that's what's going to make it difficult for everyone to leave it," Kathryn said. "It's the first taste of home that we've had."

"It makes the homesickness stronger," Chakotay said. "I've heard the sentiment floating around the ship. It's probably the greatest draw that the planet has on anyone. That and—the chance of building the lives they'd planned to have back on Earth."

Kathryn nodded and sighed.

"As I said, I can't blame them if they stay. I wouldn't blame you if you stayed, Commander Chakotay, but I'm glad that you've chosen to remain on Voyager. Even if it means giving up on...on building a life."

"Maybe I don't believe that remaining a crew member on Voyager means that we have to give up living, Captain," Chakotay said. "Or even building a life. I don't necessarily believe the two are incompatible."

"Certainly they're not," Kathryn agreed. "I only meant—that you might not necessarily have the same kind of life here that you'd have on Earth."

"I'll get back to life on Earth when we return to the Alpha Quadrant," Chakotay said, "whatever life that might be. In the meantime, there's nothing to stop any of us from living our lives to the fullest here. We have everything we need: food, shelter, water...family."

Kathryn smiled to herself.

She wanted the crew to be a family. If they'd only been gone three weeks, it wouldn't be that important that they be close to one another. They could have served together as a crew—as colleagues that would go their own way after the mission and probably not cross paths again until they were assigned duties together once more—without too much concern about becoming too tight knit. But those of them who remained on Voyager were staring at the possibility of a veritable lifetime spent together in very close quarters. They needed to be more than crew members. They needed more than the distant yet cordial relationships that they were taught to have on short missions.

They needed family and they were the only people they had left. They were the only people they knew they had to count on in the whole of the Delta Quadrant. They had to become family.

It brought a warmth to Kathryn's chest to think that anyone might actually be starting to see them as such.

"The question is," Kathryn said, "will we have enough of our family remaining to even attempt the return to Earth? If too many people stay behind..."

"We'll still make it back to Earth," Chakotay said quickly, not allowing Kathryn to go down the slightly dark path that she was threatening to start down. She smiled at him.

"You're right," she said. "We'll make it back."

"It's almost 15:00 hours, Captain," Chakotay said. "If you'd like, I'll be happy to escort you to the cargo bay."

Kathryn stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of her uniform. She touched her hair and assured herself that she was every bit as put together as was expected of a Captain.

For the time being, she had her emotions under control and she told herself that she would keep them that way. No matter who was in the cargo bay, waiting to say goodbye, or how many members of her crew left the ship, Kathryn would handle the situation with the grace and dignity that they expected her to have. She would wish them well on their new lives and she'd never let them know how much it hurt to lose them.

"Commander," Kathryn said, as she walked past Chakotay to start the trip to the cargo bay. On her word, Chakotay followed her. It normally wouldn't take her that long to get to the cargo bay, but this time she was sure it was going to feel like it took hours. Every step would feel like it took years.

As she started down the passageway, Chakotay walking just behind her, Kathryn smile to herself when she felt the familiar weight of Chakotay's hand on her back. The affectionate touch was one that he offered her often as they walked. She needed it now and he seemed to know that. Of course, he always seemed to know just what she needed.

Kathryn felt like she could take a certain strength from the touch. It made the steps a little easier. It made her feet feel a little lighter. It made it a little easier to breathe as she directed the two of them toward the cargo bay.

Chakotay, clearly still in the practice of sensing what she needed, let her walk in silence. He didn't offer to fill the short trip with chatter and he didn't offer her any sort of false-hope or consolation as they walked. He simply walked along with her, at her side, with his hand pressed gently on her back for support. As they reached the door to the cargo bay, he stopped her and physically turned her around to face him. Holding her shoulders as though she were a child and not his captain, Chakotay searched her face out for any sign of emotion. Kathryn was pretty confident that she was doing a good job of hiding anything that she was feeling, squaring up in preparation for how she might have to react in the cargo bay, but she had the uneasy feeling that Chakotay could even see through that.

"No matter what happens," Chakotay said, "we'll make it. Remember that."

Kathryn nodded at him. She didn't offer him a verbal response, but he didn't need one. He searched her face one last time for some sort of emotion and then he dropped his hands from her shoulders to allow her to pass into the cargo bay.

As the doors slid open and she stepped inside, Kathryn felt herself run through a veritable gamut of emotions. She'd been prepared for much of her crew to be standing there waiting to take their leave of their duties. At the very least, she'd expected to find a handful of people who had seemed the most likely candidates to take the first opportunity off the ship that was afforded to them.

Instead what she found was a cargo bay that was entirely void of life forces except for her own and Chakotay's.

"We're alone, Captain," Chakotay said.

Kathryn smiled to herself. She looked at him. He was doing his best to swallow back his smile and keep his lips straight, but his eyes were smiling.

"It would seem that we are," Kathryn responded.

Chakotay glanced around, no longer hiding the soft smile on his lips, before he let his eyes settle on Kathryn once more.

"It would appear that the entire crew has decided that they'd rather go home, Captain," Chakotay said. "And—it would appear that they trust you to get them there."

"I will," Kathryn said. "I will get them home."

"I have no doubt you will," Chakotay said. He reached out and caught her by the shoulders the same way he had outside the cargo bay. This time, he affectionately massaged the upper muscles of her arms in his hands as he stared at her. "Voyager is home until then. We'll make it our home. But—Captain? Seventy years is a long time. In the meantime, don't forget that there's plenty of life to be lived on Voyager. Even for a Captain."

Kathryn swallowed, her pulse picking up. She did her best to hide the reaction from Chakotay, but she was positive that she hadn't fooled him at all.

Seventy years was a long time. It was a very long time. In that amount of time, their loved ones on Earth would give them up for dead. Maybe many of them would die themselves. At the very least, most of the people that they knew would move on. Life would keep going without them. Just as they needed to become a family on Voyager to get through the next seventy some odd years—and the empty cargo bay was the first true sign that they were truly starting to feel like a family—it was going to be necessary that they build lives and live them to the fullest possible degree that the ship allowed.

Seventy years was a long time to be lonely, even if Kathryn had promised herself that's how she would spend those years as Captain.

Of course, just as she'd come to realize that she couldn't keep her distance from her crew as she might have once thought was necessary to her role as Captain, and just as she was accepting that she must become a member of this mismatched family, Kathryn realized she could also change her mind about other things she might have believed when this was nothing more than a three-week mission.

And if she was reading him correctly, Chakotay was asking her to at least consider that there might be an alternative to that loneliness. It was something she absolutely would consider, though she wouldn't commit to changing her mind right away.

"I'll remember that, Commander," Kathryn said. "Let's get back to the bridge and address the crew. We've got to welcome them home, for the time being, and it's time be on our way."

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 **AN: So this is my first fanfiction for the Voyager fandom. I've written hundreds of fanfictions (ranging from very short to very, very long) for the Walking Dead fandom.**

 **I tend to write a lot of babyfics as I really enjoy them. I know they're not everyone's cup of tea, but I also know that some people love them. Not everything I write is a babyfic, as you can see, but it does happen quite a bit.**

 **I do write love scenes, etc, but I don't write explicit smut. I'm not into writing porn and I don't like doing all the graphic details. I'll leave some things to your imagination because I'm sure you could do a better job than me.**

 **I take requests, prompts, etc, so please let me know if there's anything you'd like me to consider writing. I'll do my best with anything for entertainment value.**

 **Also I'm terrible with titles and I apologize for that.**

 **Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think!**


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